Emotions

Emotions are electrical and chemical signals in the body that alert you to what is happening. You have no control over what emotions come up. But you can influence how you handle them and how you act on them.

Both pleasant and unpleasant emotions are important data on which your survival and life satisfaction depend. Pleasant emotions are easy to deal with, you just enjoy having them. Unpleasant emotions are harder to handle. But they are the ones that inform you that you need to do something or change something for your safety and well-being.

You can get rid of unpleasant emotions in the short term by distracting yourself with a TV show, getting drunk or going to work. But that doesn’t mean the emotions will go away! You just leave them aside, and when you least expect it, it bubbles to the surface with greater intensity. That’s why it’s important to give emotions space when you’re experiencing them.

Each emotion lasts about 2 minutes unless you prolong it by trying to avoid it. You can think of it as a wave that, just as it came in, will inevitably go away.

It is necessary to strengthen the ability to regulate your emtions in order to manage them in the long term.

How you can do this?

1. Label the emotion you are feeling. („I feel sad“)

2. Allow yourself to experience these emotions. („It’s okay to feel sad right now.“)

3. Explore where in your body you feel the emotion. („I feel a lump in my stomach.“)

4. Try to figure out what the emotion is trying to tell you.

5. Do whatever you need to do for yourself in the moment. (Wrap myself in a blanket and make myself some tea.)

Tips

• Get in touch with someone. Call or text a friend or family member.

• Hug yourself or hold your face in your hands. Human touch releases oxytocin, which increases feelings of safety and calm. The brain doesn’t distinguish whether we’re being touched by someone else or by ourselves.

• Practice mindfulness. It helps you notice emotions before they completely consume and paralyze you. It will allow you to attend to them and prevent them from reaching an unpleasant intensity.

• Keep a diary or a journal. Write down how you feel and what you think. Writing brings relief and helps you get a better grip on yourself.

• You can also express your emotions by painting, singing, writing poems or other creative activities. You don’t have to be an artist, it just has to bring you some sort of relief.

Do you want to know more?

• You can find lots of interesting information about emotions on the Instagram account @susandavid_phd.

• Read the practical book The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, which is full of useful exercises.

• Expand your emotion vocabulary with the interactive emotion wheel.

• Learn how to increase your life satisfaction and take a free online course from Yale University called Science of Well-being.